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Oct

15 October 2015

What did I need (and expect) from my ex-husband?

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Greeting card with designer artwork and “sassy” sentiment! 16 selections.

Did I even know . . . or did I just believe love conquerors all?  (Those darn feelings again.)  Honestly, as I reflect on my engagement, I thought no further than those delicious feelings.  Those words of endearment, he adored me.  Was it my youth?  Maybe in part, but obviously not exclusively, as women of all ages make the same mistake every day – and far too often over and over.

I expected this euphoric feeling was forever . . . our marriage compass.  “In love” meant a lifetime of good feelings, adoration, niceties, shared plans & goals, and a family to adore.  So simple!  Oh sure, I knew we would have our disagreements – lover’s spats – but they would quickly be overcome and within hours or at least a couple of days replaced by “hugs and kisses,” and promises of sorry and total forgiveness, as always.  Forgiveness, really?  Possibly, but unfortunately more likely acceptance not fully dealt with, but instead unknowingly shelved. . . left to grow into those hurts and resentments that fester to indifference and certain destruction.  A “get even” attitude. DIVORCE and heartbreak.

What do I need from a husband?   What do YOU need from a husband?

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Jun

18 June 2015

Why did I choose this man – my ex-husband?

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Popular linen towels gloat a “sassy” Wus’band message while adding a splash of color –

Memory serves me well – for me, it was all about that magical feeling of being “in love.”  It’s said; “love is blind” . . . and none is so blind as she who will not see.  Our inability or refusal to see clearly combined with our absolute certainty that he’s Mr. Right can lead to very poor decisions.  Good people becoming wrong couples.

Nothing is so intoxicating as being in love – a euphoric giddiness.  Yet all too soon we learn lasting love is much more than feelings.  Marital success requires we know what we need from our man and what we can give to him . . . it is a partnership.

My generation was one of romance.  A time when men flattered us with words, sincerely spoken of course.  He sent bouquets of flowers or arrived for our date with a lovely corsage in hand.  We dare not go to the football game without a big white mum adorned in our school colors.  He opened doors and sent “love notes” and greeting cards . . . he delighted in surprising you with precious sentimental gifts.  You felt special!  Incidentally, if you’ve never been romanced – indulge yourself.

Do the majority of us look beyond our feelings when choosing our husband, our life mate?  Do we excuse or even ignore the all so evident “red flags,” warning us this might not be all that it “feels” . . . caution, proceed with clear head.

Gals, we have been known to repeat our mistakes.  Did we learn nothing?  Or the next time perhaps you simply chose the extreme opposite of your first hubby thinking this would be a sure fix.  Oh don’t misunderstand, I still believe those delicious feelings are essential, and for me it is a necessary part of a relationship, memories that in part make “us” unique and special as a couple . . . memories that will become our history.

Life is good and time so precious let us choose that man who is worthy of our love, just as we are, and give him our best.  Don’t stop dancing, just choose more wisely.  Don’t be so afraid you cheat yourself out of one of God’s best gifts to us . . . love and marriage.  To love and be loved —-in love,  forever!